It's been a long time since I signed in. Much has happened, and nothing has happened, because I'm not published. To the tyrant within, that's all that matters. I have failed in my mission -- the mission to be published in fiction. And I know why.

1) I haven't submitted.
2) I haven't submitted because I've felt my stories weren't ready, weren't good enough, weren't excellent enough.

I'm tired of it.

Today, I vow to write for publication. And I'm scared to make that vow. because:

1) I'm not good enough.
2) My stories aren't good enough.
3) It all sucks.

What all sucks, I don't know. I don't care. All I care about it publishing.

Assume I am published. What would I have to do to get there? I do know.
1) Research my favorite authors' publisher's writers guidelines -- harpercollins children.
2) Done. They only take agented material but they also run authonomy.com and inkpop.com. The latter may be right for my YA fantasy.
3) Check out inkpop.com.
4) DONE. It's not that active. looked back at Authonomy.com. There's more going on there. The latter. including children's and fantasy writing.
5) Okay. Authonomy would be a good place to go. Gping to check it out. An experiment.

I'll keep you posted.

Dora out.

I am a force of nature. And all this time I've been striving to be such a powerful, amazing thing that others run from it or stare at in awe. I don't need to run anymore. I can stand still and feel the pulse of heat through my veins and whistle of wind through my ears. I am a force of nature and I write.

Write vs. submit: this doesn't need to be a conflict, but I've been feeling stymied. So, I had a great talk with a friend who's part of my support team, and saw that what matters the most is that I write. That I write for the pure joy of it. So, for the last hour, I've been working on Chapter 12. Not new content -- I'll get there -- but editing and actually fleshing out a scene I had only alluded to. I'm adding color and feeling to the relationship. H. is becoming, as Michael Hauge would say, more in her essence and leaving her identity behind.

I'm working on rewriting book 2, even though book 2 isn't finished. The rewrites are helping me see the story. I will finish. I need to finish it, because I want to submit book 1. Finishing book 2 will help me determine more details for book 1. I learn the story by writing it. That's my way, and I need to honor that.

I'm getting ready to submit again! Because I was at the RWA National conference in San Francisco, and picked up leads to an agent and an editor. I"ll keep you posted.

I've forged ahead and edited Chapters 8 and 9 for my critique group. I'm surprised at what I've crafted, so many months ago. It's good to look at it fresh. I think I'm ready to keep editing forward and complete the first draft. That's a good feeling. I'm relieved, and also know I need to ground the when of writing more.

Right now, I will declare that I will complete the book soon. I will put my attention on it more often. I will. You'll see.